Four Kinds of Love

Phileo is one of the Greek words for love, commonly translated as brotherly love or affectionate friendship. It is a deep, heartfelt love shared between friends or family members, characterized by warmth, affection, and loyalty. Unlike Agape love, which is selfless and unconditional, Phileo is more about the mutual fondness and emotional connection between people who care deeply for each other.

Here are some key aspects of Phileo love:

1. Mutual Affection: Phileo is the kind of love that is shared between people who enjoy being in each other’s company, supporting and caring for one another in a close relationship. It's often seen in friendships and family bonds.

2. Brotherly Love: In the Bible, Phileo is the word used for the love that exists between close friends and even siblings. It is the root of the name Philadelphia, which means "the city of brotherly love."

3. Emotional Bond: This love is based on emotion and reciprocity, as it involves feelings of warmth and affection. Unlike agape love, which is a choice to love regardless of feelings, phileo tends to grow naturally through shared experiences and mutual care.

Biblical Examples of Phileo Love:

• John 11:36 – "Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!" (KJV) – This verse speaks of Jesus' love for Lazarus, demonstrating the close bond and affection Jesus had for his friend.

• Romans 12:10 – "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;" (KJV) – Here, Paul encourages believers to love one another with brotherly affection, showing the mutual love that characterizes Christian community.

Phileo love is an important part of relationships, helping to foster close, genuine friendships and bonds within the body of Christ.

Agape love is quite distinct from Phileo love, as it represents the highest, most selfless form of love. While Phileo is based on mutual affection and emotional connection, Agape is unconditional and sacrificial, often characterized as divine love or the love that God has for humanity. Let’s explore the key differences between Agape and Phileo:

1. Nature of Love

• Agape: It is unconditional, selfless love. Agape is not based on emotions, personal gain, or reciprocity, but rather on a deliberate choice to love regardless of the circumstances. This love is often associated with sacrifice and commitment to the well-being of others, even when they do not deserve it.
• Phileo: This love is based on mutual affection and is often felt naturally between friends or family members. Phileo love is grounded in the emotional bond between people and is typically reciprocal, meaning it grows from shared experiences and fondness.

2. Focus

• Agape: The focus of agape love is self-giving. It seeks the best for others, even at great personal cost. It is not concerned with what one receives in return but with how one can serve, uplift, and care for others without expecting anything back.
• Phileo: The focus of phileo love is on closeness and companionship. It’s about shared interests, experiences, and mutual care. It tends to be emotional and grows naturally between friends, family, or people with shared affinities.

3. Relationship to God

• Agape: In Christian theology, agape is often used to describe the divine love that God has for humans, which is boundless, sacrificial, and unearned. It is exemplified in passages like John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son." This kind of love is also the love that Christians are called to show towards others (including enemies) as a reflection of God’s love.
• Phileo: Phileo is used to describe human love for one another, especially in the context of friendships or familial relationships. While important, it is distinct from the deeper, more selfless nature of agape.

4. Examples of Agape in the Bible

• 1 Corinthians 13: This chapter is often referred to as the "Love Chapter" and describes agape love as patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful, not proud, and enduring through all things. It is seen as the greatest virtue a person can possess.
• John 15:13: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." This illustrates agape in its most profound form—sacrificial love.

5. How Agape and Phileo Relate

• Agape love can encompass Phileo, but Phileo does not necessarily include Agape. For instance, friends can have deep phileo love for one another, but agape love goes beyond friendship and seeks the good of others universally, regardless of personal connection or feelings.
• Christians are called to love others with Agape—a love that is sometimes difficult because it may involve loving those we do not have phileo affection for, such as strangers or even enemies.

Storge is another type of love in the Greek language, primarily used to describe familial love. It is the natural, instinctual love that exists between family members, especially between parents and children, and siblings. Unlike Agape or Phileo, Storge love arises from a sense of familiarity and attachment due to blood relationships or long-term bondings.

Here are the key aspects of Storge love:

1. Familial Love

• Storge is best understood as the natural affection that develops within families. It is the love parents have for their children, children for their parents, and siblings for one another. It is instinctual and typically unconditional, forming the foundation of family relationships.

• This kind of love doesn't depend on personal choice or shared interests like Phileo love. Instead, it grows naturally within the family structure, often from a young age.

2. Protective and Nurturing

• Storge is a protective and nurturing form of love, especially seen in the parent-child dynamic. It is marked by a desire to care for, protect, and provide for one's family members. This love often involves a deep sense of responsibility and devotion to family welfare.

3. Subtle and Constant

• Unlike the passionate nature of Eros (romantic love) or the deliberate, sacrificial nature of Agape, Storge is often more subtle and constant. It tends to be quiet but deeply rooted, maintaining strong bonds even through difficulties and disagreements.

• It can also extend beyond immediate family, sometimes used to describe the affection that develops among close friends over time as they become "like family."

4. Biblical Usage of Storge

• Although the term Storge itself is not explicitly used in the New Testament, its concept is implied in various passages that reference family love and affection. A notable instance is the compound Greek word "philostorgos", used in Romans 12:10:

  Romans 12:10: "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;" (KJV) – The phrase “kindly affectioned” in this verse uses philostorgos, combining Phileo and Storge, emphasizing affectionate love within the family of believers.

• In the negative form, astorgos, meaning "without natural affection," is used in Romans 1:31 and 2 Timothy 3:3 to describe those who lack this natural familial love.

5. Difference from Other Types of Love

• Storge vs. Agape: While Agape is selfless and unconditional love that may be extended to all, Storge is more exclusive to family and those with whom one has a close, long-term relationship.
• Storge vs. Phileo: Phileo is more about friendship and emotional bonds based on shared interests, while Storge is based on the familial and blood relationships that are natural and instinctual.
• Storge vs. Eros: Eros is romantic or passionate love, which is driven by physical attraction, while Storge is non-romantic and built around family attachment.

Summary of Storge Love:

• Natural and instinctual love within family relationships.
• Protective and nurturing, especially between parents and children.
• Subtle and constant, not always intense but deeply rooted in long-term relationships.
• While not explicitly mentioned as a standalone word in the Bible, the concept of familial love is heavily implied and encouraged throughout scripture.

In essence, Storge is the love that provides the strong foundation of familial bonds, forming the bedrock of society through the deep, enduring affection shared by family members.

Eros is the Greek word for romantic, passionate love, often associated with physical attraction and sexual desire. It represents the love that sparks emotional and sensual feelings between individuals and is frequently linked to intimate relationships. Eros is distinct from other types of love like Agape, Phileo, and Storge, as it is driven by personal desire and attraction.

Here are the key aspects of Eros love:

1. Romantic and Passionate

• Eros love involves intense, romantic attraction and desire, often felt in the early stages of a romantic relationship. It is fueled by both physical and emotional attraction and often includes the longing to be with the other person in an intimate way.

• This form of love is about the passion and affection between partners and is the kind of love that can lead to deeper commitments like marriage.

2. Physical and Emotional Connection

• Eros is closely related to physical desire and sexual intimacy, though it is not limited to just physical aspects. It also involves emotional connection, where two people are drawn to each other not just physically but emotionally, desiring a close and intimate bond.

3. God’s Design for Marriage

• In a Biblical context, Eros love is celebrated within the bounds of marriage. The Bible encourages passionate love between husband and wife, recognizing that physical desire is a natural part of human relationships when expressed in a committed, God-honoring manner.

• For example, Song of Solomon (also known as Song of Songs) is a poetic celebration of romantic and erotic love between a husband and wife:

  Song of Solomon 1:2: "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine." (KJV) – This passage beautifully expresses romantic love and desire.

4. Temporary or Enduring?

• Eros love can be temporary if it is based solely on physical attraction and passion, which might fade over time. In such cases, without a deeper foundation, the relationship may weaken.

• However, when Eros is combined with Agape (selfless love), it can become a more enduring and fulfilling love, especially in a marriage where both partners are committed to each other’s well-being beyond physical attraction.

5. Potential Dangers of Eros

• While Eros is a beautiful part of God’s design for romantic relationships, it can also become misused when it is pursued outside of the boundaries of marriage or becomes driven solely by selfish desire or lust. When Eros is disconnected from Agape (selfless love), it can lead to behaviors like lust, adultery, or exploitation.

• The Bible warns against such misuse of love:

  • 1 Corinthians 6:18: "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body." (KJV) – This verse warns about sexual immorality outside the sanctity of marriage.

6. Eros in Balance with Other Loves

• Eros, when balanced with Agape (unconditional love), Phileo (brotherly affection), and Storge (familial love), forms the foundation for a healthy, strong romantic relationship. A love that begins with passionate Eros can deepen into a more enduring form of love when it is underpinned by the other types of love.

Summary of Eros Love:

• Romantic and passionate love, involving physical and emotional attraction.
• Celebrated within the context of marriage, where it is intended to deepen and strengthen over time.
• Can be temporary if based solely on physical attraction but can become enduring when rooted in deeper commitment and selfless love.
• Caution is advised when Eros becomes driven by lust or selfishness, which leads to its misuse.

In essence, Eros is the love that ignites romantic relationships, bringing excitement, passion, and deep emotional connections. When rightly expressed, particularly in marriage, it adds richness and intimacy to the bond between partners.

The strongest form of love is generally considered to be Agape love, particularly within the Christian and philosophical understanding of love. This is because Agape represents unconditional, selfless, and sacrificial love that transcends feelings, circumstances, and even personal desires. It is the kind of love that is given freely, without expecting anything in return, and is often seen as divine or godly love.

Here’s why Agape is viewed as the strongest:

1. Unconditional Nature

• Agape love is not based on emotions, attraction, or mutual benefit. It is selfless and given unconditionally, even when the other person does not deserve it. This type of love chooses to care, sacrifice, and serve others regardless of their actions, feelings, or worthiness.
• For example, the love of God for humanity (as described in Christian theology) is agape love. In John 3:16, it says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son.” This expresses God’s selfless and sacrificial love for all people, regardless of whether they reciprocate that love.

2. Sacrificial Element

• Agape often involves sacrifice for the sake of others. In contrast to Eros (romantic love), which can be driven by personal desire or attraction, and Phileo (friendship love), which is mutual, Agape asks for nothing in return. It is willing to give up personal comfort, time, or even life itself for the good of another.
• John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” This verse highlights the sacrificial nature of Agape love.

3. Longevity and Stability

• Agape love is enduring because it is a commitment of the will, not just a fleeting emotion. While Eros (romantic love) may fade over time, and even Phileo (friendship love) can change due to circumstances, Agape remains constant and steadfast.
• Agape love is less likely to waver because it is rooted in choice and not dependent on feelings or reciprocation.

4. Biblical and Philosophical Recognition

• In 1 Corinthians 13, often called the "Love Chapter" of the Bible, Agape is celebrated as the greatest form of love. Paul writes: “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13). In this chapter, Agape love is described as patient, kind, enduring, never failing, and greater than all spiritual gifts or human achievements.

5. Inclusive of Other Loves

• Agape love can encompass the other types of love—Phileo, Storge, and even Eros. For example, in a healthy marriage, romantic love (Eros) can be sustained by the deeper, selfless commitment of Agape. Similarly, friendships (Phileo) become stronger and more meaningful when rooted in Agape, where friends genuinely seek each other's best interests without selfish motives.

Comparison to Other Types of Love:

• Eros: Passionate, romantic love is powerful, but it is often temporary and driven by personal desire. While Eros can be intense, it can also fade if not supported by deeper forms of love.
• Phileo: Brotherly love and deep friendship are meaningful, but they tend to be based on mutual affection and shared experiences, which can change over time.
• Storge: Familial love is strong and instinctive, but it may not always be unconditional in the same way as Agape, as family relationships can sometimes become strained or conditional.

Why Agape is Strongest:

• Agape transcends self-interest. It remains constant through hardships and challenges, and it does not depend on the actions or worthiness of the person being loved. It seeks the best for others, even at great personal cost.
• Agape fosters a deeper kind of relationship that is not easily shaken by external circumstances. Whether it’s applied in a family, friendship, or romantic relationship, Agape love holds everything together because it is centered on giving rather than receiving.

Conclusion:

While Eros (romantic passion), Phileo (friendship), and Storge (familial love) all have their places and importance, Agape stands out as the strongest and most enduring form of love. Its selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional nature makes it a love that can weather any storm, overcome any obstacle, and transform both the giver and receiver. This is why Agape is often considered the highest form of love in both spiritual and moral contexts.