DISCOVERY 1: HOUR 2
Discovering the Rock
Strengthening you Family
Introduction The Importance of the Family
Lesson 1 Understanding God’s Design for the
Family
Lesson 2 Roles in the Family
Lesson 3 Children: A Blessing From the Lord
Lesson 4 Learning Effective Communication
Lesson 5 Achieving True Intimacy
Lesson 6 Managing Finances
Lesson 7 Resolving Conflict
Lesson 8 Family Bonding
Lesson 9 Ministering as a Family
Lesson 10 Keeping It All in Balance
Bethany World Prayer Center
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Discovery 1
by the Staff of Bethany World Prayer Center
Copyright © 2005 by Bethany World Prayer Center
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN 0-9727659-4-8
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the permission of the publisher.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.
Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. Copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60819. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible®. Copyright© 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation. Used with permission. (www.Lockman.org).
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Introduction
The Importance of the Family
Nothing means more to us than our families! We are each born into one specific family, and from it we draw our first perceptions of the world. As we grow, we are indelibly marked by the experiences—both good and bad—that happen to us in our families. Our families can be sources of great joy or sources of deep pain. They can be havens of refuge or prisons of terror. They can be life-giving and nourishing, or life-draining and unhealthy. So critical is the role of our families that we as Christians must devote time and effort to understanding this foundation of our personal relationships.
When the family is strong, its members have a firm foundation from which to explore their individuality and place in God’s kingdom. It is a springboard for personal development and involvement in the things of God. When the family is functioning properly, it presents to the world a beautiful picture of life as God intended it. Conversely, when the family is fragmented and dysfunctional, the individual members are bogged down with merely trying to survive. Little emotional, physical, or spiritual energy is left to pursue the things of God when all effort must be poured into walking the tightrope of daily living.
God in His goodness has spoken quite a bit about the family. From His Word, we see the establishment of the first family in the Garden of Eden. We also read of countless family relationships, some good and some not so good. Furthermore, we receive very clear instruction in the New Testament as to the roles of family members.
As you are beginning your discovery of God’s wonderful plan for your life, a study of the family is critical. These ten lessons are designed to help you discover that plan and how it relates to you and your family.
Understanding God’s Design for the Family
Key Verse: “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth’ ” (Gen. 1:27–28 nkjv).
Key Scriptures:
Genesis 2:18, 21–25; 3:1–13, 15, 21
Matthew 19:8
Hebrews 9:22
Objective: In this lesson you will understand God’s original plan and design for the family.
Introduction: God’s design for the family as first seen in Scripture is unique and beautiful. After creating all the wondrous physical elements of earth, sky, vegetation, and animal life, He desired to create a being singularly made in His image. Only this one being—man—had the nature of God planted within him, and to this one being, God gave dominion over everything on the earth. His original plan for mankind was full of life, power, and fruitfulness.
I. God’s vision is for a wonderful family atmosphere (Gen. 2:18–25).
A. God’s vision is _________________.
B. God’s vision is _________________.
C. God’s vision is _________________.
II. Satan has polluted God’s plan for the family (Gen. 3).
A. _________________ pollutes relationships.
B. _________________ breaks communion.
C. _________________ destroys intimacy.
III. God has a solution for restoring the family (Gen. 3:15–21).
A. Satan’s defeat is _________________.
B. Divine _________________ protects
family unity.
C. Total _________________ restores any
relationship.
Summary: God intended for man and woman to live together in peace, harmony, and unity. His original plan included partnership, healthy family relationships, and intimacy on all levels. This original plan was lost when Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden, but through Christ and His atoning work on the cross, our families can be restored to God’s original design.
Adam and Eve had much to put behind them when God graciously offered the coats of animal skin. They must have felt anger, regret, and a sense of deep loss. But they traded in their fig leaves for the new plan God offered.
What about you? What is your family like? Are you wearing “fig leaves,” or are you wearing a “coat of skins”? Why not decide today to forgive and begin anew in your family? Why not trade in your guilt, fear, and blame for forgiveness? It’s your decision, but if you choose the route of forgiveness, you can see your family restored to God’s original design.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. How does God’s plan for the family differ from the view that the world gives? How has our view of the family been influenced by television, movies, and other aspects of the media?
2. How do guilt, fear, and blame pollute a family? If not dealt with, what is their end result in the family? How can you get rid of these family pollutants?
3. Who is the real enemy of your family? How can you fight him instead of one another?
4. Why is forgiveness so vital to family relationships? Are there family members you need to forgive? Will you decide today to walk in forgiveness in all your family relationships?
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Lesson 2
Roles in the Family
Key Verse: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. . . . Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:21–22, 25 niv).
Key Scriptures:
Genesis 12:1–4; 15:4–8; 17:5–6; 22:6–12
Exodus 1:15–21; 15:20
Ruth 3:9
1 Samuel 1:9–15
Proverbs 31:13–20
John 4:17
1 Peter 3:1–7
Objective: In this lesson you will gain a clear understanding of the different but complementary roles of husbands and wives.
Introduction: When God created the first family, He desired for them to function as one unit. Although the responsibilities in a family differ for husbands and wives, their equality in the Lord is unquestionable. When both husband and wife are committed to fulfilling their specific roles within the family, peace and harmony rule. Conversely, when they are each looking out for their own selfish needs at the expense of the other, confusion and strife run rampant. Understanding the roles of husbands and wives is critical to a successful marriage.
I. What is a man?
A. Man was God’s first human ______________.
B. In _________________, we can identify the basic character traits of a man.
II. What are the basic character traits of a man?
A. A man is _________________ (Gen. 12:1).
B. A man is _________________ (Gen. 13:7–12).
C. A man is ________________(Gen. 14:13–16).
D. A man is _________________ (Gen. 15:4–8).
E. A man is _________________ (Gen. 17:5–6).
F. A man is _________________ (Gen. 22:6–12).
III. The husband’s role in the family is critical.
A. “You husbands must give ________________ to your wives” (1 Pet. 3:7 nlt).
B. “. . . That your _________________ be not
hindered” (kjv).
IV. What is a woman?
A. We need to understand women (1 Pet. 3:1–6).
B. There are five main passions in a godly woman.
1. The passion to ______________
(Ex. 1:15–17, 20–21)
2. The passion to ______________
(Ex. 15:20)
3. The passion to ______________
(1 Sam. 1:9–15 NLT)—
4. The passion to ______________
(Prov. 31:13–20)
5. The passion to ______________
(John 4:17)
V. The wife, like the husband, has an important role to play in the family.
A. “Wives, _________________ to your own
husbands” (Eph. 5:21 nkjv).
B. The wife receives _________________.
Summary: Men and women are uniquely different from each other, yet complementary. God designed it that way. Each has a special role to play in the family, and when each assumes that role, the family becomes what it was meant to be. The husband’s primary role is that of head of the family. He is to guide, protect, and serve his wife and children. The wife’s role is primarily one of submission, willingly accepting covering from her husband and acknowledging his rightful position as head. A husband who loves as Christ loved the church and a woman who knows her role as a helpmate form a dynamic team that is a picture of Christian love and unity.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. How do the roles of husband and wife complement each other? What happens when marriage partners do not understand their God-given roles?
2. What are some of the ways that men and women innately differ from each other? How does understanding these differences enhance the marriage relationship?
3. What are the limits to a woman’s submission to her husband?
4. Husbands are instructed to love their wives as “Christ loved the church.” How will this temper a godly man’s treatment of his wife and children? How will it affect his wife’s ability to submit to him?
Lesson 3
Children: A Blessing From the Lord
Key Verse: “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Ps. 127:3 kjv).
Key Scriptures:
Malachi 2:15; 4:6
Matthew 1:18
Mark 14:36
Ephesians 6:1–4
Hebrews 5:8; 12:5–11
Objective: In this lesson you will realize that children are a blessing from God and will learn effective ways of raising children in a godly manner.
Introduction: All our relationships are important, and all of them require certain responsibilities as well as affording certain privileges. As marriage partners, we play the role of husband or wife. Even as adults, we still maintain relationships with our parents, though in a different form from when we were children living with them. Most of us have brothers or sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and other extended family members. Furthermore, many of us play the role of employer or employee, church leader, community volunteer, and on the list goes.
One very special role most of us assume at some point in our lives is that of parent. The parent-child bond is a unique one, evoking strong emotion unparalleled in other relationships. We have all witnessed the tenacity of a mother’s love, the fierce protectiveness of a father for his child’s physical safety, and the stalwart refusal of parents to give up on the most wayward child. The parent-child relationship, when it is healthy and God-centered, probably gives us the clearest picture on earth of what unconditional love is like.
Children are a blessing from the Lord, as the Scriptures declare. They are not a nuisance, inconvenience, or setback to our plans. They are precious, vital, and cherished treasures. As Christians, we must learn to view our children as God sees them and develop healthy ways of relating to them and training them to be that godly seed that brings honor to God.
I. “Though He was a Son, yet He learned _________________ ” (Heb. 5:8 nkjv).
A. A very special relationship exists between a parent and a child.
B. Lessons of obedience are learned in the _________________.
II. Let’s get back to the basics: the lessons of obedience!
A. Parents are, before they ever have children (Matt. 1:18).
B. Obedience grows in three stages.
1. _________________
2. _________________
3. _________________
C. Discipline is intended primarily for _________________ training (Eph. 6:4).
D. Discipline also provides _________________ (Heb. 12:5–7).
1. There are three levels of correction used by God and parents.
a. _________________
b. _________________
c. _________________
2. Subtle forms of rebellion, such as whining, temper tantrums, power struggles, sibling conflict, and tattling must also be corrected.
E. The goal of correction is _________________ (Heb. 12:9–11).
1. Repentance
2. Restitution
3. Restoration
III. There are “Ten Commandments” to follow in raising children.
A. You are called to raise spiritual ____________
(see Num. 6:2–9; Judges 13:5–7).
B. The Ten Commandments of training children are as follows:
1. Establish your _________________ from birth
2. Understand your child’s _________________
3. Place the most emphasis on character and _________________
4. Limit the number of _______________
5. _________________ to your child before passing judgment
6. Discipline corporally only for _____________ and stubbornness
7. Discipline with the objective of establishing __________ ______________
8. Teach your child to ________________ himself
9. Follow the progression of “__________,” “__________,” and “_________”
in relating to your child
10. Walk in _________________
Summary: Children are indeed a gift from God, precious and valuable in all respects. Our responsibility as parents, however, is not just to love them unconditionally, but also to train them to become a “godly seed” (Mal 2:15 KJV). We have the task of teaching them right standards of conduct, common courtesy, good manners, character training, and, most importantly, the ways of the Lord. As Psalm 78:4 NLT says “We will not hide these truths from our children, but will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord.” This is our primary goal as Christian parents.
We are responsible for shaping our children’s will without breaking their spirits. One of the most important ways this is done is through teaching them obedience. When we are successful in raising our children in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4 kjv), we have the wonderful privilege of seeing a godly seed for the Lord raised up through our efforts.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. Why is obedience such an important part of training children? What happens to children who never learn to obey? How does failure to teach your children obedience carry over into their relationship with others and with God?
2. What are the rights of children in a family? What are other things that are nice to provide, but not essential? How much do you owe your children, materially?
3. What is the purpose of discipline in the parent-child relationship? What role does corporal punishment play? What are other effective ways of discipline? Which methods are ineffective?
4. Discuss how your relationship with your child should change as he ages. What does he need from you as a very small child? When he is school-aged? As a teenager? As an adult?
5.How does having a strong marriage benefit your children? How does a weak marriage affect them? Which must have first priority: the husband-wife relationship or the parent-child one? Why?
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Lesson 4
Learning Effective Communication
Key Verse: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Eph. 4:29 kjv).
Key Scriptures:
Proverbs 18:12–13; 25:11
Ecclesiastes 3:7
Luke 6:45
Ephesians 5:4
Objective: In this lesson you will learn the necessity of effective communication in the family and how to develop good communication skills.
Introduction: A general definition for communication as supplied by Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary is “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.” We can narrow the use of communication for Christians to mean the use of our bodies, minds, and spirits to minister the grace of God to others.
Communication involves the physical body and the messages we transmit through words, gestures, utterances, and body language. It also involves the mind, with its expressed emotions, feelings, and listening skills. Finally, communication involves the spirit, as demonstrated in attitudes and actions of forgiveness, love, and tenderness.
Poor communication is one of the primary problems that families face. Too many husbands tune out their wives, and too many wives resort to nagging and cajoling to try to communicate their needs. Children sulk and pout, and teenagers stop talking to everyone! The resultant family occupies the same residence but has little in common, not knowing or even caring how to talk to one another and share hopes, hurts, and dreams.
This was never God’s intention for the family. Husbands, wives, and children should be living in peace and harmony, supporting and caring for one another. Conversation should flow, laughter abound, and differences resolve. In order for this scenario to occur, however, we are going to have to learn what God desires in our families and how to make the ideal become a reality.
I. There are two types of communication.
A. ________________ (negative) communication is one kind.
B. ________________ (positive) communication is the other type of communication.
II. Positive communication in the family has three main components.
A. _________________ is the first component.
B. _________________ is the second component of positive communication.
C. Effective _________________ of thoughts and feelings is the third aspect of positive communication.
1. _________________ is the first type of communication necessary
2. _________________ in communication is also needed.
3. _________________ in the realm of communication is absolutely essential
III. Listening is an art, and you can become skillful in it.
A. _______________ and _______________ are two different things.
B. Grasping, or _________________, the message is critical.
C. _________________ upon what is heard demonstrates that true communication has occurred.
IV. You must learn how to _________________, as well as how to listen.
A. Gender wars hinder communication.
B. These few “apples of gold” (Prov. 25:11) can help you learn to communicate better.
1. Use ______________ and ______________ to communicate
2. Choose the ______________ and ______________ to communicate
3. Communication moves through ______________
C. Your choice of words is very important (Prov. 18:12).
Summary: Learning how to communicate is the key to having a successful family life. Poor communication skills lead to disharmony, hurt feelings, and misunderstanding. Effective communication skills promote harmony, foster bonding, and increase love and understanding.
Communication consists of two primary components: speaking and listening. Both are necessary, and there is a time and place for both. Communication can be learned, if the parties involved truly want to nurture their relationship and grow closer together. As we learn specific ways of communicating, we will find our families becoming healthier, happier places to live.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. What is the difference between hearing and listening? How can you increase your listening skills? What conveys to others that you are listening to them?
2. How does body language provide clues of what a person is trying to communicate? Give examples.
3. How can you deepen the level of communication in your family? Do you talk about things beyond the level of “how was your day?” Do you communicate thoughts, feelings, and fears?
4. The New Testament says that your words reflect what is in your heart. Discuss the truth of this statement.
5. Words can build up or destroy. What are some life-affirming words you can speak to your spouse and children? What kinds of words tear them down?
Lesson 5
Achieving True Intimacy
Key Verse: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Eph. 5:31 nkjv).
Key Scriptures:
Malachi 2:14–16
Matthew 18:19–20; 19:8
John 17:21
Objective: In this lesson you will understand what true intimacy in marriage is and how to attain it.
Introduction: When we speak of intimacy in marriage, many people immediately jump to the conclusion that we are talking about the sexual aspect of marriage. Though that is an important part of the marriage relationship, it is by no means the primary way of achieving true intimacy in marriage. That’s because intimacy goes far beyond a physical union and encompasses a union of heart and soul that is simply reflected in the physical relationship.
It is interesting to note that after the creation of man, the entire second and third chapters of Genesis give no reference to physical intimacy between Adam and Eve, referring only to social, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. Not until the fourth chapter is physical intimacy finally mentioned: “Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain” (Gen. 4:1 niv).
Sex is not intimacy. Intimacy in a relationship happens when two people become one in spirit, mind, and body. In this lesson, we are going to explore from the Scriptures the meaning of true intimacy and how we can foster its development in our families.
I. Marriage is the ultimate in intimacy.
A. God’s intention for marriage was to teach _________________.
B. People marry for many different reasons.
C. True intimacy in marriage can be achieved.
1.“I live for you” (________________)
2. “I listen to you” (________________)
3. “I learn about you” (_______________)
II. Intimacy is the power of “___________” (John 17:21).
A. One is the number of God.
B. “The two shall become one. . . .” (Eph. 5:31 nkjv).
III. There are three steps to becoming one as a family.
A. _________________ is the first step (Mark 14:3 nlt).
B. _________________ is the second step (Eph.5:21).
C. _________________ is the third step.
1. Words of _________________:
2. Quality _________________:
3. Receiving _________________:
4. Acts of _________________:
5. Physical _________________:
Summary: God designed for marriage and the family to be the place where ultimate intimacy on earth would occur. That is the ideal, and although some families have attained that level of closeness, many others still struggle to find their identity as one family with shared values and aspirations.
True intimacy in the home will come only when we sacrificially die to ourselves, become sensitive to the needs of our family members, and are flexible to the seasons of change that occur in family relationships. It grows when we learn the “love language” of our spouse and children and begin reaching out to them in that way. It’s all about becoming “we” in place of “me” and becoming “one” in place of “two.” A united, committed couple raising their children in a godly, secure environment present to the world the best picture of God and his desire for families.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. How does marriage teach interdependence rather than independence? Is there a place for independence in marriage? Under what circumstances and to what degree?
2. What are some of the reasons why people get married? Which are good ones and which are not?
3. Ephesians 5:31 says that a man and his wife are to become “one.” Discuss what this means and how it is attained.
4. What are some of the ways that marriage “breaks” us? How can this lead to increased intimacy?
5. Discuss the five love languages. Which is your primary language? Your spouse’s? Do you make an effort to speak your spouse’s language?
Managing Finances
Key Verse: “He that trusteth in his riches shall fall: but the righteous shall flourish as a branch” (Prov. 11:28 kjv).
Key Scriptures:
Proverbs 11:24–26, 28; 13:22; 22:7
Malachi 3:10–12
Luke 19:11–26; 21:1–4
2 Corinthians 8:12; 9:8–11
Philippians 4:19
Colossians 3:22–24
2 Thessalonians 3:10–12
1 Timothy 6:6–10
Objective: In this lesson you will embrace a godly perspective on finances and gain clear, practical principles to guide you in your personal financial decisions.
Introduction: The topic of finances is one of the most important topics to cover in any course on the family. Financial pressures are a leading cause of divorce, and even in stable marriages, a wrong perception of finances can lead to poor stewardship, financial hardship, and hindered ability to minister in the kingdom of God.
Our view of finances is largely shaped by what we learn from our parents, what we observe in others, and what our culture in general implies about money. That means that most of us have some ideas about finances that are not good and possibly even harmful. A study of finances from a scriptural perspective will shed light on how to handle the financial resources that God has entrusted to us.
I. You need a scriptural perspective on ______________.
A. Ask yourself the following questions concerning your finances:
1. Wouldn’t you love to have enough money to leave to others at the end of your life?
2. Wouldn’t you love to be financially free to do as the Lord directs?
3. Wouldn’t you love to have more money to invest in the kingdom of God around the world?
4. Wouldn’t you love to have an eternal reward in heaven for your financial investments on earth?
5. All these can be yours when you begin using your finances in a God-honoring way!
B. “The righteous shall flourish as a branch” (Prov. 11:28 kjv).
II. The _________________ of the tree represent basic attitudes towards finances.
A. Be ___________, not covetous (1 Tim. 6:6–10).
B. Trust in ___________, not in riches (Phil. 4:19).
C. Be ____________, not greedy (Prov. 11:24–25).
D. Walk in ___________, not fear (2 Cor. 9:8–11).
III. The _________________ represents the basic principles of finances.
A. _________________ 10 percent of all your income (Mal. 3:1–12).
B. _________________ 10 percent of your income (Prov. 21:20).
C. _________________ the remaining 80 percent of your income.
IV. The _________________ represent miscellaneous principles dealing with finances.
A. Curb your _________________.
B. Use wisdom in _________________.
C. Avoid _________________ (Prov. 22:7).
D. Be _________________ and diligent (Col. 3:22–24; 2 Thess. 3:10–12).
V. The _________________ comes as a result of good financial management.
A. An _________________ for your children is one of the fruits of good financial management (Prov. 13:22).
B. _________________ won by investing financially in God’s kingdom is wonderful fruit from wisely managing your finances (Prov. 11:30).
C. You will reap an eternal _________________ for all you do to promote the kingdom of God with your finances (Mark 10:29–30).
Summary: Building a strong financial base in our lives takes diligence, hard work, sacrifice, and a commitment to godly principles of money management. As Christians, we do not view money as an end in itself, but only as a means to provide for our families and advance the kingdom of God.
As we are learning to handle our finances in a godly fashion, we begin by giving God 10 percent in the tithe. That acknowledgement of Him as the one who owns everything we possess keeps our perspective right. Next, we make a budget and stick to it, making plans to get rid of outstanding debt. Then, we begin a steady plan of saving and investing.
When your financial tree is strong and healthy, you will reap the fruit of material inheritance, souls won for the kingdom, and an eternal reward in heaven.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. How have your views of money been influenced by the family you grew up in?
2. Why does simply acquiring more things or more money fail to bring satisfaction?
3. Examine your finances: Are you tithing? Do you have outstanding debt? Do you use credit cards to live beyond your means? Do you have any form of savings? Are you planning for the future in terms of insurance and retirement? What is the single most important thing you could do to improve your financial situation?
4. How can money be used to advance God’s kingdom? What are some selfish uses of money? How do we maintain a balance between using money on ourselves and using it to bless others?
5. What role does work play in our finances? What kind of employee should a Christian be? How can God use your place of employment to bless you? How can you bless others at your place of employment?
Lesson 7
Resolving Conflict
Key Verse: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Rom. 12:18 nkjv).
Key Scriptures:
Proverbs 13:10
Matthew 5:23–24; 18:15–17, 21–22
Ephesians 4:26–27
James 3:14–16
Objective: The student will learn to recognize the sources of conflict within the family and learn how to resolve conflict between family members.
Introduction: Peace is a top priority in the home. The ability to live together in harmony and the ability to resolve the inevitable conflicts that come as part of daily life are indispensable elements to a strong family. However, many families are far from the ideal of having their homes as safe havens and places of refuge. Instead they are faced with constant conflict, escalated tension, and continual frustration over how to deal with the problems that arise in family life.
Occasional tension and conflict are part of every home. After all, we have different people with different expectations and backgrounds occupying a limited physical space, day in and day out, year after year. To think there will be never be a problem just because we are Christians is naïve at best. On the other hand, to think that constant arguing, fussing, and fighting are normal is not accurate, either. The truth is that all families will experience some conflict, but it should not be the norm, and it should be resolved as quickly as possible.
In this lesson, we will examine some of the causes of conflict in the home and how to deal with them. In this way, we can have homes that nourish and enrich our families and reflect God’s love to the world.
I. You can live together with those in your family without destroying one another!
A. Is your family “_________________” or
“_________________”?
B. I love you, but I don’t like you!
II. There are three main sources of conflict in the family (James 3:14–16).
A. _________________ causes conflict.
B. _________________ also leads to conflict.
C. _________________ leads to conflict.
III. There are three main ways people respond to conflict (Eph. 4:26–27).
A. _________________ is one reaction to
conflict.
B. _________________ is the opposite reaction.
C. Confrontation, or _________________, is the best way to deal with conflict.
IV. There are three phases of resolution to conflict (Matt. 5:21–23).
A. _________________ it.
B. _________________ it
C. _________________ it.
Summary: Tensions and problems will always arise within the family structure, but we can learn how to deal effectively with them and prevent them from eroding the trust and intimacy within our families. As we begin understanding how hurt, fear, and frustration are at the root of many conflicts, we can begin seeing our conflicts in an entirely new light. When we know why a person is upset, we know better how to deal with him and how to resolve the problem.
It is possible to have a family that lives in peace and harmony; however, we will have to make a commitment to deal with conflict in a godly fashion when it arises. It may not always be easy, and it may even be painful, but facing our areas of conflict head-on and working them through will reward us with the kind of family we’ve always wanted. The Holy Spirit will guide us, and our family relationships will move to a higher level as we learn to resolve our conflicts.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. What kinds of problems arise in your family? How do you generally deal with them? Has this been effective?
2. Why do you think God gave you the specific family that you have? How have they blessed you? How have you struggled because of the family you’re in?
3. How do fear, hurt, and frustration cause conflict in the family? Which has been the biggest problem for you, and how have you dealt with it?
4. Why do some Christians think it is un-Christ like to express strong emotion? What happens if we constantly refuse to acknowledge our emotions? How does this lead to conflict?
5. Why is forgiveness so crucial to resolving conflict? Have you ever had to forgive a family member for a deep hurt? What happened when you did? Has a family member had to forgive you for a deep hurt? Again, what happened?
Lesson 8
Family Bonding
Key Verse: “Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace” (Eph. 4:3 nlt).
Key Scriptures:
Psalm 133:1
Song of Solomon 8:7
Luke 22:28
John 13:1, 12–15; 16:32
Colossians 2:2
Objective: In this lesson you will gain a picture of what healthy family interaction looks like and how it fosters the development of strong family bonds.
Introduction: Everyone wants to have a happy, close family that shares loving moments. Remembrances of the “perfect” television families from the ’60s fill our minds with pictures of what our families should be like. We know, of course, that Mom doesn’t dust the house clad in a freshly pressed dress with a string of pearls around her neck, and we know that Father doesn’t always know best, but still we long for that image, even if it is an illusion.
The good news is, however, that you can create an atmosphere in your home where individual family members have a sense of belonging to a loving, caring unit. This is achieved when families begin to learn how to bond to one another through shared activities, goals, work, and ministry to the Lord. This lesson will show you some of the ways that you can begin strengthening the bonds of your own family.
I. _________________ is important to your family.
A. “. . . Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them unto the end” (John 13:1 nkjv).
B. A family can experience either _____________
or _________________.
II. Family members bond when they ________________ one another (John 13:8–14 nkjv).
A. “If I do not wash you, you have no part with me” (v. 8)
B. “You also ought to wash one another's feet” (v. 14)
III. Family members bond when they _______________
together (John 14).
A. “Let not your heart be troubled” (v. 1 nkjv).
B. Family bonding grows when there are times of play.
IV. Family members bond when they _______________ together (John 15).
A. “. . . That it may bring forth more fruit” (v. 2 kjv)
B. _________________ for the Lord together is a very important way of family bonding.
V. Family members bond when they face _____________ together (John 16).
A. “You will be scattered . . . and will leave me alone
...” (v. 32 nkjv).
B. During the trying times of life, you will bond with those who _________________, assist, and strengthen you.
Summary: There is nothing more wonderful than close, meaningful family relationships. God wants our families to be wonderful sources of strength and fulfillment to us, not places of stress, trauma, and difficulty. When we begin bonding with the others in our family, the atmosphere in the home begins changing as we grow closer to one another.
We bond with our families in several ways. First, we bond as we outdo one another in serving. We think of their needs before our own. Second, we strengthen our family bonds when we play together, enjoying one another’s company. Third, it is important to have projects and times in which we work together, achieving common goals within our family and within the kingdom of God. Fourth, we develop stronger family bonds when we successfully face trials together. As we grow in these four areas, our families bond and connect in ways that unite us and make us strong.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. Describe your mental image of the ideal family. Is it a realistic one?
2. What are some concrete things people can do to foster family closeness? Which ones have you tried?
3. Why is playing together important to family bonding? Why do some Christians have a problem with this? Does God want you to have fun? What are some ways to have fun that don’t compromise your faith? What kinds of activities should you avoid?
4. Can a family be too close? What are some unhealthy ways of bonding?
5. How can trials and difficulties bring a family closer? What has been your experience in your family?
6. There is nothing more fulfilling than a family that serves God together. What are some things you could start doing in your family that would achieve that goal?
Lesson 9
Ministering as a Family
Key Verse: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor” (Eccles. 4:9 nkjv).
Key Scriptures:
1 Kings 21:25
1 Samuel 25:32–33
Psalm 128:3
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
Malachi 4:6
Matthew 18:19–20
Luke 1:6
Acts 18:2, 26
Romans 16:3–5
Objective: In this lesson you will understand the blessing and privilege of ministering as a family and will learn how to do so.
Introduction: The family is God’s unique gift to humanity. We were not meant to travel through our earthly lives alone, independent of everyone else and doing our own thing. We were meant to connect with others, and in the family, we were meant to find the deepest, most fulfilling connections of all.
For the Christian family, serving God through ministering together fulfills their purpose and brings new meaning to their relationships. There is no deeper joy for a family than seeing souls saved, needs met, and lives transformed as a result of their ministry. In this lesson, you will see how families can minister together to further the kingdom of God.
I. God has a plan of ______________ for your family!
II. There are ten “laws” that govern your ministry.
A. Law 1: the law of ________________ (Acts 5)
B. Law 2: the law of _________________
(Acts 18:2, 26; Rom. 16:3–5)
C. Law 3: the law of _________________
(Eccles. 4:10)
D. Law 4: the law of _________________
(2 Kings 4:9–10)
E. Law 5: the law of _________________
(1 Kings 21:25, Matt. 2:13–14)
F. Law 6: the law of _________________
(1 Sam. 25:32–33)
G. Law 7: the law of _________________
(Gen. 7:1; Luke 1:6)
H. Law 8: the law of _________________
(Mal. 4:6; Ps. 128:3)
I. Law 9: the law of _________________
(1 Cor. 7:10–16)
J. Law 10: the law of _________________
(1 Cor. 7:8–9)
Summary: Being married with all of its inherent demands does not excuse us from discovering a way to make a contribution to the body of Christ. The way we serve God may vary at different times in our lives, but a firm commitment to be actively involved in His work should never waver.
Ministering together as husband and wife is one of the greatest thrills a couple can experience. When you accept the challenge to let God use you and then partner with your mate to see that challenge come to pass, you move into a deeper level of ministry than if you ministered alone. Your unique gifts and talents will enhance those of your mate and vice versa. The two of you together are better than one, and with the presence of the Holy Spirit, you will form a “threefold cord that is not quickly broken” (Eccles. 4:12).
Questions and Discussion Points
1. What do you think it means to minister together as husband and wife? Does it always mean leading a cell group or teaching a Bible study? What are some other ways couples can minister together?
2. How can you include your children in ministry? How does age factor in to this? What are some ministry activities you can do with preschoolers? Elementary-aged children? Junior high? High school?
3. Why do a passive husband and a domineering wife make for a poor combination in ministry? How can couples change this pattern?
4.Most of us take steps to see that our children receive some type of inheritance upon our death. What steps can you take to ensure that your children are receiving a spiritual inheritance? How does your ministry affect the future of your children’s ministry?
5. Do you regard ministry as an integral part of your Christian life or as something optional? If you have never ventured forth to serve God in a definite, specific way, where could you start? Keep in mind that all of life affords opportunity to minister.
Lesson 10
Keeping It All in Balance
Key Verse: “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven” (Eccles. 3:1 niv).
Key Scriptures:
Isaiah 46:9–10
Matthew 6:33; 7:21–23; 26:42
1 Timothy 3:4–5
Objective: In this lesson you will learn how to balance all aspects of his life so as to give proper priority and attention to the most important areas without neglecting the other areas.
Introduction: All of us play multiple roles in life and have corresponding responsibilities for each of those roles. We are someone’s child and have things we have to do for our parents. We might be someone’s mate, and that means we have another person to always consider in the mix of life. Many of us are parents, with all the sacrificial giving that the role demands. Furthermore, we have duties to fulfill at work, in our neighborhoods and communities, as citizens of our country, and finally as a member of a local church body.
We can easily become overwhelmed by all the pressures of life, and we might feel like we are doing a constant juggling act, trying to keep everything going all at the same time. We fear that if we ever stop juggling, all the “balls” will come crashing down around us. Consequently, we wear ourselves out—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—as we desperately strive to be all things to all people at all times.
There’s good news for you, however! You don’t have to stay on the frantic racetrack of life, running as fast as you can but never quite arriving at your destination. When you learn how to set godly priorities in your life, you’ll find time for the things that are truly important without sacrificing yourself in the process.
I. God is your No. 1 _________________.
A. God is first and foremost over all.
B. Putting God first begins in the _____________.
1. Prayer (Col. 4:2)
2. Bible study (Heb. 4:12)
3._________________ (Matt. 7:21–23)
II. Your _________________ is your second priority.
A. Your family is second only to your relationship
with God.
B. Take the _________________ to put your
family in proper priority.
III. _________________ is your third priority.
A. Ministry comes after personal relationship with
God and after the family.
B. Keep ministry in proper _________________.
Summary: Finding balance in our family life is often difficult. Numerous responsibilities and various roles all tug at us for our attention. We cannot do everything demanded of us, but we can form a clearer picture of what we need to be doing by setting priorities in our lives.
It’s like having a jar that you are going to fill up with rocks of various sizes. If you put in the biggest rock first, you can then fill in all the remaining space with the little rocks. They will settle around and under the big rock. However, if you attempt to put in the little rocks first, the big rock will never fit into the jar.
That’s how priorities work. Set the highest priority (God), and everything else (family and ministry) will fit in around it. Attend to the lesser priorities first, and you will never have room for God.
The family that has found balance loves God first, both as individuals and then as a family. Their walk with God is carefully guarded. Then they spend time together, developing the bonds of their own unique family. Finally, they minister together, presenting a picture of Christ to a world that does not know Him.
Questions and Discussion Points
1. What are some of the things that people put first in their lives? How can you tell if God is truly first in your life?
2. What are some things couples can do to strengthen their marriage bond? What would you like you and your spouse to do that you are currently not doing?
3. How can children strengthen the marriage relationship? Weaken it? Who comes first in your family: your spouse or your children?
4. Why do people confuse ministry with personal relationship with God? How does ministry flow from your personal relationship with God?
5. Examine your family life. Is your family life balanced? Are you giving too much emphasis to some areas and not enough to others? What could you do to make your life more balanced?
Continuing the Discovery…
Congratulations! You have just finished the first level of your discovery of who Christ is in your life. You’ve discovered how to build your spiritual life upon him and the firm foundation of the Word of God. You’ve been taught the sound doctrines of the Christian faith. And you’ve discovered the role your family plays in helping you build a solid, committed life of discipleship
You’ve learned a lot in these past ten weeks, but there is still much to learn. The second level of Discovery is going to teach you how to stay on the course you’ve started. We’ll show you how to chart your vision and conquer the land. You’ll discover the joy of finding purpose and mining of life, and the thrill as God begins using you to touch the lives of others. So, we hope you’ll stay the course and keep on discovering the wonderful things God has in store.
Extra copies of this booklet can be ordered
from World Missions for Jesus
Tel. (02)697-2653
Or www.global12project-fe.com
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